After a wildly successful and scandalous career as a stripper, Fifi Lemott pens her memoirs and makes a fortune. She then buys the house of her dreams in the quintessential town of Dorking, and embarks upon on a journey of adventure and mischief in the hope of finding love.

In her search for a new life of romance and respectability, Fifi finds her path crossing with sexually frustrated pensioners, and finds herself baking cakes for the Women’s institute laced with Marijuana. She also teaches them how to Pole dance, and fights a battle of wills with the town’s controversial book reviewer, Ted Pembleton.

On a visit to LA to stay with an old friend, Fifi is seduced by the gardener, which ends disastrously. A surprise phone call from her flamboyant gay agent Luka brings Fifi back to England for the Queen’s garden party, where all hell breaks loose when she discovers that some of the Dorking residents are also attending.

Fifi, not beaten, but lonely and bored, sells up and returns home to her mother’s house in Gateshead. The death of a friend and a brief encounter with a long lost love brings Fifi’s world crashing down.

With the help of a transsexual drag artist called Elspeth, Fifi re-evaluates her life, returns to LA, and starts once again to write her next adventures.

Darkly humorous tales filled with poignant reality and the ridiculously funny.

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