D B English is a totally cool guy; wit, raconteur, international playboy, lover par excellence, gourmet chef with a penchant for fine wines, cask ales and aged brandy. His sexual prowess is the stuff of lehend amongst the harems of Eastern potentates, his formidable abilities as both swordsman and unarmed combatant have made his name both feared and respected across the globe. Iron Mike Tyson, the former world heavyweight boxing champion was once reported to have locked himself in a bathroom, whimpering in terror upon being told that D B was looking for him.

Not only is D B phenomenally well-blessed in the trouser department, his techniques of seduction are so irresistible that it has been said that no female can resist the urge to hurl themselves bodily at his feet the moment he enters the room. No doubt many readers will recall the words of Marylin Monroe when, upon being asked what she wore in bed, replied 'Hey, is that D B English over there? Outta my way, boys, hubba! hubba!'

And yet, despite being undoubtedly the most handsome, virile, witty, articulate and totally fabulous all-round embodiment of masculinity, D B remains at heart a simple, humble soul. Perhaps this is why great statesmen and captains of industry have sought the wisdom of his counsel, availing themselves of his freely-proffered pearls of intellectual perfection as they have wrestled with the weighty issues of the day. It may be recalled how, upon being asked what he thought of Western civilisation, the great Mahatma Ghandi remarked 'Apart from that god in human form, D B English, I think it would be a very good idea'.

And so, dear reader, you may indeed consider yourself fortunate, nay, blessed to hold in your hand a selection of the mighty D B's work in your mortal hand. How fortunate was that day on which the fates decreed that you should be so favoured. Surely, there can be no finer way to close the curtain on our little performance than to quote the master himself. As D B English said:

'If you believe a word of this bullshit, you can weave fog!'