<p>
Possibly the greatest translator to ever live, Duane Gundrum can speak 35 words of at least two different languages fluently. When sober, he can walk a straight line and not fall down once. Well, once, but he still thinks he was tripped. Always fascinated by the Greek Trojans, he wonders why they couldn't have gone with a different name instead of stealing USC's mascot for their own. He lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan, but don't tell anyone. You know that whole restraining order thing....</p>
